Wednesday Liturgy: Follow-up: Cohabiting Brides and Grooms
ROME, JULY 29, 2008 (Zenit.org).- Answered by Legionary of Christ Father Edward McNamara, professor of liturgy at the Regina Apostolorum university.
Pursuant to the question relating to cohabitating couples (see July 15), several readers asked questions as to what weddings a Catholic should not attend.
This is a very delicate question and one which sometimes sparks bitter division among families, especially as relatives often instinctively allow the heart to rule the head when faced with clearly erroneous choices made by loved ones.
It is necessary to point out that there are no specific Church norms governing this practice. A generalized lack of catechesis combined with a sometimes aggressively pluralistic society have made necessary a loosening of stricter pastoral practices that would have reigned just a generation ago.
There sometimes is no simple answer, and persons with doubts about particular situations should consult their pastor before making a final decision.
One general principle could be that a Catholic should not attend a wedding in which the person is entering into an objectively irregular state. This would include cases where a Catholic enters into a second union after having divorced a living spouse, and without having received an annulment.
Certainly, concrete situations can be hardest to evaluate, and God alone is the final judge of each person's heart. Yet, a Catholic cannot approve of an action by which relatives deprive themselves of the possibility of benefiting from the sacraments.
True love for our relatives must embrace concern for their eternal salvation and cannot be limited to their temporal happiness.
In making clear that in conscience they cannot support their relative's decision by their presence, they should strive to retain human affection and support and avoid a breach in social relationships.
Other cases, while serious, might require less radical reactions. For example, if a relative decides to be married in a civil, Protestant or non-Christian ceremony. The Church considers the wedding invalid, since all Catholics are obliged to observe the canonical form or at least be granted a dispensation from the bishop.
Although the wedding is invalid, Church law has several means of subsequently validating it provided there are no other impediments. This is not the case with our earlier example, even though the second union may be sanctified after the death of a legitimate spouse or after a definitive decree of annulment has been issued.
In deciding how to react, Catholics should take into account their relative's level of catechesis and practice. It is very different if the relative is making an incorrect choice out of ignorance or fully aware that he is disobeying Church laws. The relative's degree of faith knowledge also influences the possibility of his understanding a loved one's refusal to attend the ceremony.
The Catholic should also do all that can reasonably be done so that their kith and kin marry in good standing. They are often ignorant of the fact that, for a good reason, the bishop can dispense from the Catholic ritual so that a wedding according to the rites of another faith is considered as valid in Catholic eyes. This dispensation is rarely granted in the case of civil marriages, but it is always possible to hold a private ceremony later that validates the marriage.
If the Catholic party has done all that is possible and there is obstinate refusal to at least ask for a dispensation, then the Catholic loved one should refrain from attending the ceremony.
If one sees that it is simply ignorance, and nothing but bitterness is to be gained by refusing to attend the celebration, or at least the reception, then one could attend while making one's disapproval clear. But this kind of case is best discussed with one's pastor ahead of time.
Pursuant to the question relating to cohabitating couples (see July 15), several readers asked questions as to what weddings a Catholic should not attend.
This is a very delicate question and one which sometimes sparks bitter division among families, especially as relatives often instinctively allow the heart to rule the head when faced with clearly erroneous choices made by loved ones.
It is necessary to point out that there are no specific Church norms governing this practice. A generalized lack of catechesis combined with a sometimes aggressively pluralistic society have made necessary a loosening of stricter pastoral practices that would have reigned just a generation ago.
There sometimes is no simple answer, and persons with doubts about particular situations should consult their pastor before making a final decision.
One general principle could be that a Catholic should not attend a wedding in which the person is entering into an objectively irregular state. This would include cases where a Catholic enters into a second union after having divorced a living spouse, and without having received an annulment.
Certainly, concrete situations can be hardest to evaluate, and God alone is the final judge of each person's heart. Yet, a Catholic cannot approve of an action by which relatives deprive themselves of the possibility of benefiting from the sacraments.
True love for our relatives must embrace concern for their eternal salvation and cannot be limited to their temporal happiness.
In making clear that in conscience they cannot support their relative's decision by their presence, they should strive to retain human affection and support and avoid a breach in social relationships.
Other cases, while serious, might require less radical reactions. For example, if a relative decides to be married in a civil, Protestant or non-Christian ceremony. The Church considers the wedding invalid, since all Catholics are obliged to observe the canonical form or at least be granted a dispensation from the bishop.
Although the wedding is invalid, Church law has several means of subsequently validating it provided there are no other impediments. This is not the case with our earlier example, even though the second union may be sanctified after the death of a legitimate spouse or after a definitive decree of annulment has been issued.
In deciding how to react, Catholics should take into account their relative's level of catechesis and practice. It is very different if the relative is making an incorrect choice out of ignorance or fully aware that he is disobeying Church laws. The relative's degree of faith knowledge also influences the possibility of his understanding a loved one's refusal to attend the ceremony.
The Catholic should also do all that can reasonably be done so that their kith and kin marry in good standing. They are often ignorant of the fact that, for a good reason, the bishop can dispense from the Catholic ritual so that a wedding according to the rites of another faith is considered as valid in Catholic eyes. This dispensation is rarely granted in the case of civil marriages, but it is always possible to hold a private ceremony later that validates the marriage.
If the Catholic party has done all that is possible and there is obstinate refusal to at least ask for a dispensation, then the Catholic loved one should refrain from attending the ceremony.
If one sees that it is simply ignorance, and nothing but bitterness is to be gained by refusing to attend the celebration, or at least the reception, then one could attend while making one's disapproval clear. But this kind of case is best discussed with one's pastor ahead of time.
posted by Chipi Buenafe at
10:21 AM
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